Member Guidelines

Longtable works because neighbors trust each other enough to sit down together. These guidelines describe what that trust asks of each of us. They are part of our Terms of Use, and every member agrees to follow them.

Most of it comes down to one idea: be a good neighbor. Treat people the way you would want to be treated by someone you have just met and hope to know better.

1. Where these guidelines apply

They apply to everything you do as part of Longtable. That includes, but is not limited to:

• Circle meetings, events and anything else arranged through Longtable, in person or online;
• message boards, event pages and listings anywhere in the app;
• introductions and any messages between members;
• your profile, including your photo and description;
• our pages on other websites and social media;
• how you deal with our team, our volunteers, and a Community's administrators.

They also apply to how you treat members you met through Longtable, wherever you meet them.

Throughout these guidelines, examples are only examples. Where we list behavior, the list is never complete.

2. What we hope to see

Longtable exists so that people can build real friendships in the second half of life. Friendships are not arranged by an app. They grow out of turning up, being welcoming, and giving a new acquaintance the benefit of the doubt. That is what these guidelines are for.

The best Circles have a few things in common. Members are, among other things:

• welcoming: they notice the new person and make room for them;
• kind and patient: people hear and see differently, move at different speeds, and are learning new technology at different rates;
• reliable: they turn up when they said they would, and let the group know when they cannot;
• generous: they share what they know, and let others share too;
• respectful of difference: in background, beliefs, abilities and experience;
• peacemakers: when there is friction, they help calm it rather than feed it.

None of this is enforced. It is simply what makes Longtable worth belonging to.

3. What we ask you to avoid

Some behavior does not break a rule on its own, but makes a group a worse place to be when it happens again and again. These are examples, not a complete list. Please avoid:

• being rude, dismissive or unwelcoming;
• dominating conversations, or talking over others;
• repeatedly steering conversations toward politics, religion or other topics that divide, when the group has not chosen to talk about them;
• passive-aggressive remarks, gossip, or complaining about members behind their backs;
• making people uncomfortable, even if you mean no harm, and carrying on after they have shown they would rather you stopped;
• repeatedly saying you will come and then not turning up.

If someone tells you that something you did bothered them, please take it in good faith. Most misunderstandings end with a friendly word.

4. What is never allowed

These break our rules the first time. We may act on them, and some may mean removal straight away. The examples below are not a complete list: anything we reasonably consider harmful, threatening, dishonest, exploitative or seriously disruptive to members or to Longtable may be treated the same way, whether or not it appears here.

• Hate and discrimination. Attacking or demeaning anyone because of their race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, age, disability or health.
• Harassment and bullying. Threats, intimidation, insults, or continuing to contact someone who has asked you to stop.
• Unwanted romantic or sexual attention. Longtable is not a dating service. Unwelcome advances, sexual remarks, sexual content, or contacting members to look for romance are not allowed.
• Violence. Any threat of harm, or any physical aggression.
• Scams and exploitation. Asking members for money, loans, gifts or financial details; investment or "business opportunity" pitches; romance scams; or taking advantage of anyone's trust, memory or loneliness.
• Selling and advertising. Promoting a business, a product or a service; recruiting for a job or a scheme; or asking for donations. Sharing the real cost of an activity is fine (see our Terms of Use).
• Practising a profession here. Offering, advertising or providing services that normally need a licence or professional qualification — medical, nursing or care services, legal, tax or financial advice, counseling, or anything similar. Sharing what you know as a neighbor is welcome. Taking someone on as a patient, a client or a customer is not.
• Campaigning. Using Longtable to organize members for a political party, candidate or campaign, or to recruit members to a cause. Talking about the news, respectfully, among people who want to, is fine.
• Harmful health misinformation. Telling members to stop or refuse medical treatment, or presenting unproven cures as fact. Sharing your own experience is welcome; giving medical instructions is not.
• Deception. Pretending to be someone else, holding more than one account, or lying about who you are or what you intend.

We may report conduct to the authorities. Where we believe something may break the law — including but not limited to fraud or exploitation, threats or violence, harassment, or unlawful content — we may report it to law enforcement, adult protective services or any other authority we consider appropriate, at our discretion and without telling you first.

5. Meeting in person

These are suggestions, not a complete list, and following them is not a guarantee of safety. Use your own judgment — you know your own limits, your neighborhood and what feels right better than we do. Do what makes you comfortable, take the precautions that suit you, and never feel you owe anyone an explanation.

• Meet somewhere public, and keep doing so until you are confident. There is no set number of times. Tell someone you trust where you are going.
• You never have to go, and you may leave any meeting at any time without an explanation.
• Keep it safe. Do not come to a meeting after drinking alcohol or using anything that affects your judgment, and never pressure anyone to do so.
• Respect people's limits: their time, their space, their pace, and their right to say no.
• Be careful with money and valuables. Do not lend, give or invest money, and do not share financial details, with someone you know through Longtable. If anyone asks you for money, financial information or access to your accounts, please report it.
• Report anything that troubles you, not only money. If something makes you uncomfortable, unsafe or uneasy, report it in the app, write to us, or contact the authorities directly. You do not need to be sure.
• Look after each other. If someone seems unwell or in danger, contact the emergency services first — 911, or the emergency number where you are. You can tell us afterwards.

6. Lead Navigators and hosts

If you look after a Circle, a group or an event — as a Lead Navigator, as a Resource Coordinator or Connection Coordinator, in any other helper role, or as a host — members are trusting you with their time and sometimes their safety. Among other things, we ask you to:

• say clearly what the activity involves, where it happens, how physically demanding it is, and what it costs, if anything;
• choose times and places that work for the people in your group — many members prefer not to drive after dark, depend on a ride or on public transport, or find some days and hours far easier than others. Ask the group before you settle a time, and be willing to change one that quietly shuts someone out;
• choose public or suitable places, and keep members' details private;
• welcome everyone who has joined, and treat all members of the group the same way;
• keep your word: turn up, or tell the group and hand over if you cannot;
• cancel early if you have to cancel — tell the group as soon as you know, rather than leaving people to set out. Someone may have arranged a ride, booked a taxi, or given up something else to be there. If you must cancel at the last minute, use the quickest way you have to reach people rather than a message someone may not see before leaving, and try to reach anyone who may already be on their way. If you find yourself cancelling often, please hand the role on to someone who can keep the group going;
• pass the role on if you can no longer look after the Circle, rather than letting it drift;
• never charge for taking part, beyond sharing a real cost that you have told everyone about in advance.

Our Terms of Use explain when and how we may step in to help a Circle, including taking back the Lead Navigator role.

7. Messages, introductions and offers of help

Wherever members write to each other, including anywhere we add later. Among other things:

• Stay on topic for the Circle or group, and keep your messages friendly.
• Disagree with ideas, not people. Keep it civil, and let a disagreement go when it is not going anywhere.
• Say hello once. If someone does not answer an introduction, or says no, please leave it there.
• Check what you share before you share it. If you post a link, a file or a recommendation, make sure you know where it came from and that it is what you think it is. Forwarded links and files are how scams and viruses reach people, and a neighbor is far more likely to open something because you sent it.
• And be careful with what others share. Longtable does not check links or files, so treat anything shared here as you would treat an email attachment: if you were not expecting it, if it asks you to sign in, or if it asks for money or personal details, do not open it. Ask the person directly whether they really sent it — accounts can be taken over, and a message can look like it came from someone you know.
• Describe what you offer honestly, including what you can and cannot do. Lend only what you are happy to lend, and return what you borrow in the condition you received it.

8. If something goes wrong

If you are in danger, or someone else is, contact the emergency services first: 911 in the United States, or the emergency number where you are. Longtable is currently offered in the United States. For other concerns you may also contact your local police, adult protective services, or any other authority you think appropriate. You do not need to tell us first, or at all.

We are not watching. Longtable is run by a small team, not a monitoring service. We do not watch messages or meetings as they happen, we cannot see what happens away from the app, and we may not see a report straight away — it can take days, and sometimes longer. If something is urgent, contact the emergency services or the authorities directly. Please do not wait for us.

You can also tell us. The app offers ways to report what you see, and you can always write to us directly about anything else, including something that happened at a meeting.

When you make a report:

• reports go to a person — one of our team, or an administrator of your Community. We are a small team, and we cannot promise to read or act on every report;
• we keep who reported someone to the people handling the report. In a small group the person may be able to guess, and we cannot guarantee that it will never become known;
• where we do look into something, we may ask you, or them, for more information;
• it is fine to report something you are unsure about. You do not need proof. You are never a nuisance for asking.

Please do not report someone just because you disagree with them. Reports made to hurt someone break these guidelines too.

9. What happens when someone breaks the guidelines

We look at what happened, how serious it was, and whether it has happened before. Depending on that, we may do any of the following, or anything else we reasonably consider appropriate:

• have a quiet word, or remind the member of these guidelines;
• remove a message, a listing or an event;
• give a formal warning;
• take back a volunteer role, such as Lead Navigator;
• suspend the account for a time. A suspended member can still sign in to see that their account is on hold and to write to us about it;
• close the account permanently.

For the most serious things, such as violence, threats, sexual harassment, exploitation or anything unlawful, we may close an account straight away and tell the authorities.

Where we can, we will tell you what we decided. We are not obliged to give a reason, to investigate, or to look at a decision again. If you think we got it wrong, write to us.

10. These guidelines will grow

Longtable is young, and these guidelines will change as we learn from members. When they change in a way that matters, we will tell you. If you have ideas, we would like to hear them.